Yo dudes.

So I wasn’t going to post more than once a day, but I figured my couple day’s absence called for one more. And this one won’t be too long- I hope. Of course, I tend to go off on tangents and get a little rambly as you may have already figured out. 

Anyways, as you may know, I’m graduating this year. And something that I’ve always dreamed about was getting all decked out in some fancy gear and parading about like a proper girl. I’ve always been my father’s daughter, and having a large appreciation for guns and flannel, I missed out on a lot of the froofy dresses that you can get away with wearing when you’re younger. I tended to opt for my Kim Possible cargo capris rather than my cute little pink get-ups that my aunt and grandma would buy me. 

Don’t get me wrong, my dad always had at least a bit of respect for the fact that I was, in fact, still a girl when it all came down to it. And of course he still made a point of making sure to buy me Barbies along with my Nascar memorabilia and such. And don’t think you’ll ever hear me complain about how I had the coolest, fully driveable, kid jeep in town. Other than the fact that the batteries took forever to charge, it was probably the coolest toy I’ve ever owned. 

I’ll also never complain that my dad taught me proper gun etiquette at a young age, so that now I can shoot a gun not only pretty darn accurate, but also safely. At least, safely enough that he figured it was time to buy me my own gun. There’s a special kind of bond forged between a father and daughter who go out shooting together- but I’ll elaborate on that further another time.

Anyways, so this dress was a major milestone for me. It wasn’t what brought me to dress girly or anything, I’d gotten the hang of girl clothes ages ago. It was actually mostly what really brought the realization that graduation is actually happening. And soon. When I was younger I had dreamed about it happening (albeit, I’m pretty sure I imagined a camo dress at one point or another) and now it’s actually within sight. 

And I have to admit that it kind of scares the ever living shit out of me. Graduation is something that you always kind of look forward to, but then when it finally comes down to the home stretch, you start thinking “well shit, am I ready for this?” And while the idea of freedom from the classroom sounds great and all, it’s also pretty terrifying. The idea of no longer having 10 months of my life scheduled and pre-planned for me is kind of, well, unnerving. 

But despite those feelings, I’m pretty excited. And now that I have my dress, it feels that much more real. And now I have a pretty, flowy, “princess dress” to frolick around my house in. Which is pretty fucking awesome. Anyways, so that’s that. I’m graduating. I’ve got a pretty dress. Life. Is. Gooood.

Stay excellent, dudes.

Sup chicos.

So, yesterday, Drew and I took his dog, Sierra, for a walk by the Kootenay Canal. It really got me thinking- about dogs. I’ve had so many dogs in my life, yet none of them have actually been my dog. They’ve belonged to dad’s girlfriends, my grandparents, my aunt, even to my dad’s close friends. Don’t get me wrong, they’ve all been for all intents and purposes my dog in some way or another- I’ve always had a special love for dogs, and I always managed to create quite a bond with ones that are in my life.

I never was one of those kids like, “ooh look at the puppy, let’s pull it’s tail.” Or maybe I was. But as far back as my memory serves, I’ve always found dogs to be majestic creatures. (And you don’t fuck with magical majestic creatures.) Cats were alright, but they weren’t fun to play with, and they didn’t come when you needed them. Dogs have an incredible ability to perceive human emotions and injuries, and I feel like cats don’t necessarily have that- sorry cat people, but it’s true. I have a cat, and I have a dog, and I know for a fact that my dog can perceive and react to emotion and injury in a way my cat couldn’t even comprehend. After a pretty gnarly car accident, it was my dog that came to “nurse” me, whereas my cat whined and batted at my face due to his half-empty food dish.

My cat is also something of a marvel, though, it must be said. He’s a magnificent creature, a beast to be reckoned with. (Or so he’d like us all to think.) For an indoor cat, he’s certainly got that wildcat quality that many outdoor cats I’ve come to know possess. He’s very intelligent, and despite his preoccupation with hair elastics and toilet paper, I have no doubts that if he were an outdoor cat, he’d rule the block. Or at least torment a few of my neighbours. 

Anyways, my point is, I have a special love for dogs that I don’t have for most animals. They just have a personality that you can’t get with a hamster or lizard, or even a cat. (Don’t get me wrong, cats are ALL personality, but it’s the type of personality that a dog has that you just can’t find in a cat.) And my favourite dog to date, would have to be a golden retriever. I’m sure many would question that, due to how common of a breed they are. I’m pretty sure someone even said to me once that, “they’re nothing special.” Of course, if you’ve never had the chance to grow up around one, or even just watch them play or interact, then I could see how one could draw this false conclusion. 

Golden retrievers have one of the most amazing personalities I’ve ever come across. Or at least, the ones I’ve had the pleasure growing up around did. Starting with my grandparent’s dog, Jessie, who was terrified of thunderstorms, yet still made sure to comfort me, who was equally as terrified of them at 4 years old. Then my dad’s friends had a dog named Daisy, who had a preoccupation with fetching rocks, despite the damage it did to her teeth. What I don’t think the adults realized was the big smiles and praises she received from us kids every time she brought back the right rock. My dad’s friend Sean has an Akita, which are a beautiful breed of dog, but they are also a one-person dog. And despite being a very fun-loving puppy, now that he’s grown, he doesn’t take kindly to me anymore. (He breaks the rule when it comes to my dad, but I don’t think I’ve ever met a dog that didn’t love him- or at least realize they shouldn’t pick a fight with someone even bigger than them.) Sean also has a golden retriever, and Mia has deflected a growling, imposing Ty away from me more times than I can count. 

Many people know golden retrievers as “bumbling sucks” who just want some affection. Well, they are. They’re also brilliant hunting dogs, and incredible swimmers, too. I honestly find them to be incredibly clever, despite the common butt wiggle and tail wagging that most seem to develop after the mention of “the W-word.” I also know one thing for sure: they’re exactly the breed of dog that I’d want to raise a family around. 

Now that I’ve got all my dog love out of the way, I just have to say that the fact that Drew has a golden retriever is just icing on the cake. And a sunset walk down the canal with my boy and his dog after a little mini-offroading adventure is just the kind of adventure that makes me love where I live and appreciate what I’ve got. And I have to admit, I love taking dogs for walks just to see how stoked they get. Their excitement kind of rubs off on you, and it just makes it all the more fun. And I guess spending time with Drew is pretty alright too, I guess. (Haaaa.) So it was a pretty win-win day, yesterday. Gotta love the Kootenays!

Stay awesome, m’dears!

Hola chicos y chicas. 
So, when I said I was going to start this whole photo-journal thing, I wasn’t kidding. And I knew the best way to start would be an explanation as to why I haven’t made much use of this blog in months. Almost 4 months to be exact. The explanation has a name: Drew.

If you’ve followed this blog or my other blog long enough, or if you simply go through my archive or just scroll a bit, it’s easy to figure out that I wasn’t always a very happy person. I mean, in the public eye, I have always been the same- outgoing, friendly, and always there to lend a helping hand. My blog is where I would let the other side out. The side that wasn’t getting the helping hand that it truly needed. 

My astrological sign is Gemini, the twin. Being alone simply isn’t in my nature. Yet, as an only child with split-up parents, it was something that I’ve always had to deal with. (Don’t get me wrong- my family situation has zero impact on my emotional well-being. It has been this way since I was very young, and it never has nor will it ever bother me.) Anyways, needless to say, I spend a lot of time with people. I need to. If I don’t, it just sends me deeper and deeper into loneliness which leads to all sorts of negative things. 

Six months ago, I was in a vulnerable place. I had no idea what I was doing, where I was going, nothing. I had spent the last month of summer break on my own due to my closest friend being away in Mexico. I may have other friends, but as a very insecure person, I tend to shy away from any situation that may lead to rejection. So after that time spent alone, I was looking for someone to be with. No joke, I was fishing. Searching for a relationship, if you will. 

After a short while, I thought I’d found one, but quickly I realized my error in judgement. All I’d found was a copy of myself- someone who didn’t really know what they were doing in life that was looking for solace in another person. Needless to say, that whole situation was like a cold shower for me. I knew that I couldn’t just expect someone to just instantly be my other half- my twin. It took having to deal with someone as lost as I was to truly begin the journey of re-finding myself.

How Drew managed to just slide so effortlessly (read: awkwardly) into my life is beyond me. A silly crush on the “cute, quiet guy” of the group was certainly never something I figured would lead to anything. Even after my awkward, drunk confession during our group’s camping trip in July, I never thought we would be where we are now. Actually, after that I was just thankful Drew even talked to me. 

Mix together another camping trip on a chilly October evening, one air mattress, 4 people, a covered deck attached to a locked cabin (don’t worry- we weren’t trespassing or anything, Jamie’s mom just lives too far away for her to have gotten the keys.), lots of alcohol, two giggling awkward kids that can’t sleep, and apparently you’ve got the beginnings of our relationship. 

So basically what I’m trying to say it that the past 4 months have been perfect. A wild ride of awkward moments, unexpected surprises and much more. The best part of it, though? Just when I’d quit fishing and started packing up to go home, I caught something. What I mean by that is, I can truly appreciate my relationship because I wasn’t looking for it or planning for it- it just happened. And I think that’s the most beautiful part of it all.

So all in all, my explanation for my absence is the fact that I’ve been happy. The absence of my angst is the cause of the absence of my blogging. The absence of my angst was caused by the absence of the loneliness I was feeling during the time I was blogging full-time. And now here I am, kind of missing blogging, so that would be why I’ve started this whole photo-journal thing. I’m sorry that this one was so lengthy- they probably won’t all be like this. I just got a little rambly and mooshy.

Stay excellent m’dears. xx

I think I’m going to turn this blog into a photo-journal for my life, because I think that it will encourage me to continue with my photography, and it will be a nice way to get me writing as well. And I always love to look back on things that I’ve done and/or written about.

Everything is turning around. I am definitely fairly content with life right now. Like, I don’t want to jump the gun and start gushing, but everything it working out. I really hope that it goes the way I hope it’s going to go. More on this later. Stay classy, m’dears. xx

I think today overall was pretty great. I got to sleep in, I went out for coffee and breakfast with one of my closest friends, I got a ride to school and missed most of grad trans, finished my terms in English and then got to leave early from Law, whilst still being marked as present. I drove to the mall with my friends and spent time at Quizno’s doing that teenage-y loiter-y thing that teenagers seem to do at malls. I got a ride home, my proposal to go camping tomorrow was accepted, I got money to buy makeup and groceries for tomorrow, I walked all about town with my coffee and it was a lovely evening. I got to the mall with plenty of time left in the day, and there right in front of me is Him. I mean, I was having a pretty above-average day. Today had it’s bumps in the road, and it wasn’t perfect, but that’s why it was so great. It was perfectly imperfect. It was normal. But then I had to look up from my music selecting for one second. If I had perhaps done it 5 seconds later maybe I wouldn’t have seen Him. Maybe I wouldn’t have noticed Him speed up the moment that He saw me. Maybe I wouldn’t have had to re-experience that stomach-falling-into-my-shoes feeling all over again. And it angers me so much that he is hardly even worth that feeling. I tell myself that I barely know him, that he’s just another dick. The other side of me just whispers back the truth, which was that he actually made me feel happy for about 5 seconds of my life. It’s amazing how much 5 seconds can change your entire day. It can make everything that was positive seem tainted. I don’t know, I’m just so tired of being hurt by every single person I decide to let close to me.